No Promises

Talking to R again about my previous post, which she loved btw ;)

Anyway, so we were talking about marriage, the dream guy and the package that comes with growing up, you know responsibilities and what-not. As things were getting a “leetle sbicey up in here” lol, I realized that I don’t know what I want in the future. Now you may be thinking, isn’t she just 17? Shouldn’t she be thinking about shopping, crushing, TV, friends and fun activities? Well, no!

So, R was telling me how a good heart comes from a clean slate- how do we know if he has a clean slate? So for example, a guy comes up to me and asks me to marry him (R, let’s hope you believe me when it happens this time and that it’s not just a prank I pull on you for the 3rd time), living in Kuwait I have a reputation to think about, and I need to get married the right way for people to see me as the “good girl” I am. This is where R steps in and says: Why do all good girls fall for bad guys? So Mr. X isn’t that good-looking and doesn’t have a decent personality, but all the good girls fall for him and worship his every step; but I guess they like him because he’s bad news.

What I think, sometimes, not always, good girls will always be attracted to bad boys maybe with a few exceptions here and there. So I asked my dearest R, what if you were to fall for a bad boy being the good girl you are? Her reply: I have a lot of rules.


Her lovely rules (p.s. I TOTALLY AGREE!!!):
*** copied from bbm as seen ***
1. He has to be well-mannered and respectful.
2. A total gentleman.
3. Unafraid to share how he feels deep inside.
4. Able to see the real beauty behind everything and not superficially.
5. Should have a pure heart with good intentions in life.
6. Should have a good record and rep.
7. Should have a sense of humor.
8. A deep guy, who’s understanding, sympathetic and caring.
9. A guy who has the same interests as me, but has to be daring and adventurous.
10. Looks!!!!!!!! He has to be good-looking.
Above is my impossible list!

R, I agree. You asked me about my dream guy, I don’t know anymore… well of course I’d like all of the above, but didn’t we set the bar up waaaaaay too high? It’s like what I said about that movie-love life. It doesn’t exist in our world, especially the Islamic world. We come from backgrounds were arranged marriages and secret lives take place and I think that what we see in guys in the movies are fake. I don’t think my dream guy exists anymore, I’ve set my bar too high and now I’m stuck, I can’t think less of what I’ve set nor can I bring it down.

You think you’ll never meet a decent guy who meets your standards and how all guys these days are inappropriate and have zero respect for girls. Though I do agree upon some level, I have the urge to disagree and I don’t know why! Maybe it’s that fairytale love life I’m dreaming of? *This is where you snap at me and tell me to come back to reality reminding me of what I’ve previously said, you know, bring my head out of the clouds.

You made me laugh when you couldn’t remember the quote in Arabic that explained that “someone good will end up with someone good”. I disagree, though there are few exceptions, I do not think that it’s true. Let’s say I’m good, which I hope you people think I am and I marry a druggie or an abuser (la sama7 Allah) does that quote relate to me? I mean sometimes I think to myself, is it worth getting married? How am I going to know if he’s the one? Is that feeling in my gut enough? Is 9alat ‘ilistikharah’ enough? What if I need more? I don’t want to get myself into something I’m not sure of; after all, I’d like to get married only once. Then, you know me, I see a baby and I get butterflies in my stomach, then think of the responsibilities that come along with the possible beautiful mess?

You feel the same way R, re-thinking marriage a million times about that “dream guy” if he exists, but it’s a way of life and you want to experience married life and whatnot. I remind you about the responsibility and the emotional package and change that comes with the new life, but being the great friend you are, you remind me that you can’t go through life without responsibilities. (I can always count on you to bring my head down and think like a civilized person!)

Do you think marriage is a test? A life test?

You surely think marriage is one of life’s challenges… Life in general is a test.

Well R, I know it is… but why? I mean how is marriage testing us?

You say: you come across love at a certain point during your life, it’s considered a challenge. Think of it as an actual test that you take in school (nice R ;) I like your thinking girl)… A test is made up of many challenging material and questions. Marriage and love are the challenging things that you need to face in life. Marriage tests out patience and passion towards a stranger that you’ve never lived with before.
Wow R, you’re really catching my attention and I totally agree… but in our society, most women are forced to marry a man the father usually chooses, but since it’s the 21st century, I think women are marrying the men they choose and love. We would both have elongated engagements to get to know the men were preparing ourselves to marry, but people gossip don’t they? Saying how a long ‘khi6ba’ in other words engagement is ‘3aib’ – inappropriate culturally.

After getting married both sides do go through a lot of changes, but is it possible for a man to change his character? I mean, plaster on a fake personality during the engagement and once the wedding/honeymoon phase has run out he reveals his true identity, a man with flaws, bad ones.

You think that he’ll change- temporarily, but once he’s bored of showing off his muscles he’ll probably go back to his old ways… it is important to remember that you can’t change a person, they might change but they might not… it depends on how you treat the man. If you talk to the guy about his flaws, he’ll probably attempt to change his ways if he’s not completely mentally retarded.

I AGREE SISTAH! Haha! 

Sometimes, he could get a little out of hand, don’t you think? If you approach him with a flaw about him and ask him to change his ways, he could take it the wrong way and attack you with his words or actions, couldn’t he? Would the man sometimes go against your will (yes women have wills too not only men)?
R: yeah that’s the guy’s nature… he’d defend himself because in a guy’s mind, he depicts himself as a flawless piece of work, when in reality, he’s a flawed piece of “work”.

Wow R, some anger there? I like how you think, but see? I do believe deep down that some small percentage of men are truly sane, I hope our future “dream men” are.

Btw, I love our late-night chats about everything… *hugs*